A story about language, culture and listening for the meaning behind the words.
Sometimes we hear the words someone uses without hearing what they actually mean.
My Swedish friend Cath B often replies to me with two simple words:
“I know.”
Now, to English ears, “I know” can occasionally land rather badly. It can sound abrupt or dismissive, as though the other person is saying, “Yes, yes, I already know that. You don’t need to tell me."
But that didn’t fit with the Cath I know.
Cath is genuinely kind and spiritual. She listens, she cares and she isn’t someone I experience as arrogant. I’ve always been aware that people from different cultures can use the same words in slightly different ways, so rather than deciding what she meant, I became curious.
I asked her how she would say “I know” in Swedish.
“Jag vet,” or “Jag förstår.”
"I Know," or "I Understand."
Say Jag förstår incorrectly and instead of announcing, “I understand,” you may find yourself confidently declaring, “I destroy.” One small change of sound, and you go from compassionate listener to an international agent of destruction. But it made me think. When Cath says “I know” in English, perhaps I shouldn’t listen to just the phrase and all the meanings I’ve attached to it. I should listen to her tone, her intention and everything I already know about Cath.
Even within the same language, words don’t always arrive alone. They carry our upbringing, culture, experiences and memories with them.
A phrase that reassures one person might irritate another. Something meant warmly can be received as cold. We can find ourselves reacting not to what was offered, but to what those words have meant somewhere else in our lives.
Cath may say “I know,” but I hear recognition rather than dismissal. I hear her saying, “I’m following you. I understand what you mean.” And perhaps that is the difference between merely hearing someone and genuinely listening to them.
Real listening asks us to pause before deciding. To become curious rather than certain. To consider the person behind the words. After all, misunderstanding one another is remarkably easy. Especially when the alternative is accidentally announcing, “I destroy.”
I have always known if you're already preparing your next sentence whilst someone is talking ~ you aren't truly listening!
Where pictures paint a thousand words ~ Me (left) and Cath (right) using one of many filters on her phone. Cath is also a great photographer as you can see in my portrait pictures throughout my website. All taken and provided by my beautiful Swedish friend.
